


Philophobia

by Etwas_Schlau



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grocery Store, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Romance, Depression, F/F, F/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Third Person Limited, Past Jasper/Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe), Past Tense, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24797182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etwas_Schlau/pseuds/Etwas_Schlau
Summary: Lapis Lazuli is not okay; her last relationship left her scarred, her job is a demanding, entry-level hellscape, and her only close friend is her roommate who she isn't sure even cares anymore. She's miserable, with no excitement or exit in sight, until a peculiar girl by the name of Peridot crashes into her life and gives her everything she never thought she'd have. But her fears rule her life and she's nowhere near ready for love; all she knows is that it can only end in disaster.
Relationships: Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe), Lars Barriga/Sadie Miller
Comments: 21
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Note:** I do not own Steven Universe. All rights to the cartoon and its characters belong to Rebecca Sugar.
> 
>  **01/31/21 Update:** Hey to all who may be seeing this, whether new or existing readers. My original author's note said something about having put too much work into this fic to see it left unfinished, but having been months since the last chapter it didn't seem right to leave that up. I'll be honest; for the most part since I've been AWOL I've been busy forgetting this fic existed. I had a lot of drive to complete the story when I posted it but since then I started college, the whole pandemic situation broke loose, I cycled through about 4 distinct depressive episodes, one of which I'm still in the midst of, and I got in trouble with the law for the first time (lol).   
> I do still think about this story a lot, and when I do I feel very guilty about leaving it in its current unfinished state, but I still have a lot of more important things on my plate right now and a particularly wicked case of writer's block. Chapter 4 has been about a quarter of the way finished for a couple months now and I seriously doubt whether that will change in the near future. As much as I'd love to get back into the swing of writing regularly, I just can't seem to get it going at the moment. I'm sorry to any of you who have been awaiting the next installment, and to any new readers, as much as I appreciate you, please don't hold your breath.   
> I still love this story and have many ideas I'd like to put into motion, so this is not a final goodbye. I can say with certainty I will finish this story at some point, though I can make no promises as to when. Thank you all for reading and I hope to see you all again soon with a new chapter instead of a pitiful author's note.   
> -Snake

Lapis’ consciousness jerked into awareness. It felt like she was suspended in a bowl of gelatin, weightless yet impossibly heavy. She was buzzing as she blindly attempted to cling to the last remnants of whatever dream she’d been having. She tried to move her arms but found them heavy as lead pipes, as if trapped under something massive. Her whole body felt that way, she realized, her brain giving up the ghost of her dream and focusing on the real world. Something taut and cold surged in her chest; she was pinned down, immobilized, _helpless_. It felt like-

...like she was underwater.

She shot upright in her bed, eyes wide and unfocused. The familiar beige walls of her room began to fade back into view, exactly how they were when she’d fallen asleep. Lapis’ recklessly pounding heart slowed a few miles per hour, and the terror gripping her ribcage began gradually melting away like an ice cube kicked beneath a refrigerator.

That comfortable, dead-to-the-world numbness clawed its way back to grace; the last Lego brick in the precariously-built tower that was Lapis Lazuli.

She threw herself back onto her pillows, squinting across the room at her alarm clock only to remember that it was a Sunday and she didn’t have to work. She briefly considered getting up and taking a hot shower to soothe her pounding head and rinse the smell or fear from her. Or she could listen to one of the old CDs in the bottom drawer of her dresser and fold some of the clothes that were collected in piles at the foot of her bed. 

But with a sudden yawn, she remembered she was _tired_. Enough so that her higher reasoning skills were mostly absent and that critical, nagging voice that liked to guilt her into doing the things she needed to conveniently seemed to be dormant.

She just pulled her twisted sheets over her shoulders and slipped back into a restless sleep.

* * *

Lapis didn't know how much time had passed when she woke the second time. She came to gradually, finding herself awake enough to notice little more than the surprising fact her earphones were somehow still in her ears from when she'd fallen asleep originally, listening to whatever loud, trite song had caught her passing fancy.

Which she only noticed because she was lying on her side in such a way that her right earbud was jamming painfully in her ear canal. She squinted blankly at her bedroom wall, debating whether or not the pain was annoying enough to warrant what seemed like the tremendous effort of reaching up and pulling it out.

After a few minutes of the dull, throbbing pain, she decided it was. She tugged on the cord and yanked the earbuds out, shoving them childishly away from her. Sighing, she sat up and checked the clock only to recall again that it was still Sunday and she still didn’t have to work. 

As she threw herself back onto her bed, her cast aside earbuds managed to jab right into the small of her back, making a surge of explosive, aimless fury course through her. She grunted, stuffing a hand underneath herself and yanking recklessly at the cord. Unlucky for Lapis, said cord happened to still be plugged into her phone, which got slung across the room with the headphones and hit the floor with a concerning thump.

“Fuuuuck.”

Lapis pushed herself upright again and threw a leg over the edge of the bed, sliding reluctantly to her feet to retrieve her phone. Upon inspection it seemed to be fine, aside from a new scuff on the corner of the screen, and Lapis fell dramatically back onto her weary box springs. 

Craning her neck upward, she unlocked her phone to check her messages. There was an email from some phishing scam site and- her eyes widened- a text from _her._

In her exhausted state, Lapis skipped the anxious _should I or shouldn’t I_ and tapped the notification immediately to open it.

 _‘can u cover my shift today? got a dentist appt.’_ It read anticlimactically, timestamped three hours ago.

Heat rose through Lapis’ chest and into her face, knuckles going white where they were grasped around her phone. It had been months since they’d last texted, nearly a year since speaking face to face, and _this_ was what she chose to break the silence for? Did she have nothing at all to say for herself?  
  
Lapis put her phone face-down on her bed. _Why should I bother responding if this is all she has to say to me?_ she thought bitterly, staring out the window at the bleak grey walls of the building across the street. _I should have known she wouldn’t change; just as selfish as the day we met. I should tell her to go fuck herself._

She found herself reaching for her phone typing back anyway. _‘what's in it for me?’_

A response appeared on the screen within thirty seconds. _‘free overtime pay?? lmao’_ Before she could react, another message popped up. ‘ _and you'd be helping out a beloved friend, of course’_

Lapis had to clench her teeth together to quell the fire that began burning in her throat.

 _‘fuck off.’_ Lapis sincerely hoped the animosity she felt was palpable in the text.

_'will you pick it up or not?’_

Begrudgingly, she took a moment to consider. As much as Lapis hated to admit it, she was right; in her economic standings, overtime pay would go a long way and take hardly any boss hassle. Since the store owner died unexpectedly a few years back, management had fallen into relative chaos. They’d long since quit using the required shift-swap paperwork; they didn’t care who picked up whose shift and who worked what overtime as long as it didn’t happen often enough for corporate to get wind and start asking questions. Even if Lapis resented Jasper with the might of a thousand suns, and she desperately wanted nothing more than to have Jasper at her mercy and leave her hanging, she needed the money badly.

As always, Jasper knew exactly how to draw Lapis in just close enough to guide her into a trap of her own making. 

With adrenaline making her shoulders shake, she tapped out a reply with twice the necessary force. _‘fine, but you owe me. understand?’_

Lapis checked the clock again; assuming the shift was Jasper’s usual, she had half an hour to get ready and get to work. Forcing herself out of bed, she bent over through the protest of her sore muscles to retrieve her Kroger polo and work slacks from the heap on the floor where they’d been since Friday night. 

She slipped from her room with her clothes in her arms and beelined for the bathroom but by the time she reached the door she could hear the shower already running. Vengeful, angry thoughts immediately began screeching through Lapis’ head, but she gritted her teeth and forced herself down from the edge.

_Fine. It’s fine. No big deal. Sadie is my friend. She’ll understand._

Lapis knocked twice and cleared her dry throat to speak. “Sadie, I need to shower for work, are you going to be done soon?” 

After fifteen seconds there was no response and Lapis was biting back a fury so ferocious that it made her head hurt. 

_The_ one _day! The one time I dare to pick up a shift! Of all days, of course it’s today! How absolutely fucking_ convenient _!_

She swallowed, carefully, measuredly, and knocked again. “Sadie?”

Still there was only silence. The vicious monologue that ranted in her head began to say things she’d not repeat to her closest confidant, and she turned the doorknob with a shaking hand. Before she could call Sadie’s name a third time, though, she heard a muffled giggle through the hiss of the running water.

“Mm, Lars…” came Sadie’s soft voice.

Oh, of _course._

Lapis stepped back, closing the door quietly. The fury in her veins drained away at once, leaving behind a gnawing guilt underneath an overwhelming feeling of defeat.

Lars was far from Lapis’ favourite person. He was arrogant, loud, encroaching, and an entire other host of things incredibly undesirable for a roommate to be, especially in such a tiny apartment. But Sadie was Lapis’ friend; she’d been there for her when she’d had no one else. And if Sadie wanted to have shower sex with the most irritating man on the planet at nine thirty in the morning, Lapis wasn’t going to disturb her out of her own childish spite.

Lapis went to the kitchenette in the corner of the living room, tossed her shirt and pants on the counter, and washed her unruly hair in the sink with lukewarm water and hand soap. She dried her hair with the t-shirt she’d slept in and stepped into her scuffed work shoes before redressing and grabbing her house key from the hook by the door.

On the way out a thought struck her and she bleakly returned to the bathroom, without bothering to knock. “Hey Sadie, I picked up a shift at work last minute and I don’t have time to feed Blue, will you take care of it for me?”

“Lapis! We’re kind of busy here!” Lars shrieked from within the shower.

Sadie’s head appeared from the side of the shower curtain, pink-faced and apologetic-looking. “I’ll make sure he eats.”

“Thanks, Sade. Have fun,” she offered with a weary wink that made Sadie’s cheeks even redder.

Lapis slipped into the hall and locked the door behind herself. Pocketing her key, she took the stairs two at a time despite the protest of her aching back, and kept a nervously-brisk pace throughout the walk to work.

Upon arriving at work, no one from management blinked at her announcement that she was covering Jasper’s shift. Garnet, the head of the front end, just rubbed the palm of her hand with her finger tips while gazing into middle distance and spoke calmly, “I’ll override you into the time clock.”

Thus Lapis clocked in, logged into register number nine, and turned on the lane light.

The state of the store reminded Lapis why she didn’t work Sundays. Elderly people and upper-middle class thirty year olds laden with reusable grocery bags were swarming every aisle like junebugs let loose in the lighting section of a hardware store. Not used to such obscene rush, Lapis was taken aback by the line that quickly formed at her register but offered a fake smile and a carbon-copied ‘ _did you find everything okay?’_ to each customer anyway.

The hustle and bustle didn’t make the time go faster as Lapis had hoped. She was desperately exhausted already, limbs sluggish, and far past sick of waiting for eighty year old women to fish their loyalty cards from the depths of their expansive purses.

As she finished the last transaction in a lengthy wave of customers, she saw another one of her bosses, Pearl, strut upstairs to the office. Pearl was a prim, perfectionist woman who worked behind the customer service desk and was obsessed with trying to rein in the uncontrollable management mess the store owner had left with her death. Needless to say, Lapis didn't like her too much.

As if on queue, upon returning down the stairs she swooped over to Lapis’ register like a tall, annoying hawk. “What are you doing here?”

“I picked up Jasper's shift. Did Garnet not tell you?” Lapis said, painting her expression with perfectly innocent nonchalance.

Pearly laughed haughtily, “Of _course_ she told me! I meant, what are you doing out _here?_ ” She gestured widely at the front end of the store.

Lapis blinked. “Picking up Jasper’s shift?”

Pearl tutted indignantly. “I _know_ that, but you shouldn't be out _here_. Jasper works in produce, remember? If you're going to cover for her, you need to do so in her department.”

Oh. Right. Lapis had forgotten about her department transfer. Jasper had worked as a bagger for the first year and a half that Lapis had been a cashier; right up until their breakup. Lapis realized with a start that ten months had passed since then. She didn’t have any excuse to still be forgetting.

Lapis sighed and turned off her register’s light.

“Go on now, the time clock is always ticking!” Pearl said, waving her hand dismissively toward the rear of the store.

"What am I supposed to _do_ back there, though?"

“Well, _I_ certainly don't know! Ask Bismuth, she's the produce manager.”

"Bismuth isn't here, she's still recovering from that back surgery." 

Pearl made an exaggerated scoffing noise, caught out, and rifled through the papers on the yellow clipboard that had previously been under her arm. After sharply flipping pages for a few seconds, she tapped a manicured finger against something on a rear page.

"There's a produce shipment coming in at noon. You can go help unload and then get to stocking it. From there you can ask the others what needs done."

Lapis’ lips flattened into a tight line. She hated the way Pearl made her feel; like she was a caged animal doing tricks for peanuts. She just spun on her heel and strode toward the produce department, her lower back tingling with a persistent bite of pain.

_An aching back. Perfect for moving boxes and stacking fruit all day._

Lapis knew before she even saw the first apple of the produce section that she was in for a long shift.

* * *

It was six in the evening when she clocked out for the night and she felt like someone had ripped her spine out and used it as a jump rope. She offered a wave to Ruby, a produce clerk who had helped her figure out where to start in the department, and resisted the urge to offer a middle finger to Pearl who'd bid her a flowery, performative goodbye on the way out.

She walked back to the apartment complex in an indefinite amount of time she'd mainly spent zoned out, considering what she was going to eat for dinner. The journey back up the building stairs was a laboured one that drew slight tremors from her overworked legs and back, but the promise of plopping on the couch with some microwave cup noodles and watching syndicated Jeopardy reruns kept her going through it. She reached apartment 16 with a sigh and leaned against the door as she rooted in her pocket for her key. 

She could hear Lars and Sadie yelling about something through the door. Lapis rolled her eyes. _Wonder what it is this time…_

As she slotted her key in the lock, she heard their indistinct words instantly cease. 

“She's here!” came Lars’ frantic hiss.

Oh, that couldn't be good.

She pushed her way into the living room, suspiciously eyeing Lars and Sadie who were frozen in place with hands full of balled up paper towels and faces full of restrained terror.

“What's going on...?” she said slowly.

They exchanged a panicked glance.

Sadie raised a placating hand as if she were calming an angry tiger. “Lapis, we, uh. There's a bit of a… situation, regarding-”

“ _We poisoned your cat_!”

Lapis blinked, staring dumbly at Lars who was sweat-soaked and visibly shaking. She turned towards Sadie. “What.”

“We didn't poison him! We fed him this morning like you asked and he was fine, but he wouldn't eat all afternoon. We thought he just wasn't hungry but now he keeps… puking all over.”

Lapis’ breath escaped her. “Where is he?”

“In the corner.”

Lapis stepped over a half-cleaned puddle of vomit to where Blue was laying in a heap by the refrigerator. She sank to her knees in front of him, running a gentle hand along his head, to which he responded with a weak, pathetic-sounding _mrow._

She gathered him in her arms and stood up, expressionless. 

“Call me an Uber,” she said without turning around.

“To where?” Lars asked hesitantly.

She turned around slowly to glare at him with rage shining in her eyes.

“The animal hospital, Lars,” Sadie urged, grabbing her phone from the end table by the couch and arranging the ride.

“They'll be here in six minutes,” she said to Lapis who had sat down on the couch with Blue still in her arms. 

Lars swallowed nervously at how still and quiet Lapis had become. “Do you, uh, want me to grab your cat carrier?”

She said nothing. He and Sadie met eyes. “I'll grab your cat carrier.”

Once the cat was secure in the towel-lined cage, Lapis stood.

“Do you want us to go with you?” Sadie asked as Lapis opened the door.

“No.”

She glanced at Lars. “We should go with.”

“But she said-”

“Just,” she grabbed his wrist and pulled him toward the hall where Lapis had already begun descending the stairs, “come on.”

The three of them piled into the backseat of Uber driver Mike's silver 2007 Subaru Legacy and rode to the animal hospital in silence.

* * *

Lapis, Sadie, and Lars sat in the Empire City Urgent Pet Care waiting area in a similar silence. Lapis was stone-faced and speechless, hunched over in her chair and staring between her knees at the floor. Sadie and Lars were several chairs away, exchanging a _look_.

“Should we go talk to her?” Lars whispered into Sadie’s ear.

“I don’t think it would help much. You know how she gets.”

“No,” he hissed back matter-of-factly, “I don’t, because she hates me! How am I supposed to know how she _gets_ when she never even talks to me?”

“She doesn’t hate you, she just,” Sadie glanced across the waiting room at her crumpled figure, “has a hard time warming up to people. And you haven’t exactly helped the process yourself.”

Lars acquiesced with a groan. “What do you suggest we do, then?”

“Honestly? We should probably just leave her be. I love Lapis, but she’s... not very receptive to other people’s help.”

“No shit,” Lars said under his breath, looking away.

Sadie glared briefly at him. “Don’t be like that. I don’t think she can really help it. She’s been through a lot and doesn’t want to be the host of some big pity party.”

Lars turned his gaze back upward, somberly watching Lapis readjust in the corner. She was leaning back limply, face turned away and hugging herself with fingers clutching the fabric of her hoodie. 

“I don’t want to throw her a pity party! I just want her to stop acting like I’m going to eat her or something. You two have been friends for, what, six years now? I’ve lived with you guys for almost two and she still treats me like crap.”

“She’s not trying to be malicious, it’s just hard for her to trust people, even if she’s known them for a while. It took her like a year of working at the Big Donut with me for her to ever agree to hang out outside of work. But once she opens up she’s super funny and genuine, and a really great person to be around. I think she’s just been having a hard time lately.”

Lars crossed his arms. “What, because of what happened with that Jasper chick? They broke up ages ago.”

“I don’t think that’s the only thing. She seemed okay for a while after the breakup, but for the past few months she’s hardly spoken to me. I keep trying to instigate it and make things go back to how they used to be, but she either acts like she’s a thousand miles away or shuts me out and goes silent. I think she just needs something to pull her out of this slump she’s in right now.”

It was Lars’ turn to sigh then, readjusting so his arm was around Sadie’s shoulders and glancing at the time in the bottom corner of the local news program that was playing quietly on the wall-mounted television. “The things we do for this chick…”  
  
“You mean like poisoning her cat?” Sadie replied with a smirk.  
  
Lars pursed his lips. “...Shut up."

* * *

Lapis’ foot was bouncing. Not necessarily by choice, but bouncing.

She couldn’t stand the atmosphere of the hospital: the smell of antiseptic and the glaring white lights and the conspicuous silence and the fact that two hours had passed without an update. 

Lars and Sadie had been on their own halfway down the row of chairs the whole time. They hadn’t spoken a word to her since before they’d gotten into the Uber, and Lapis was simultaneously hurt and relieved. 

She wasn’t sure what she wanted. Did she want to be left alone? Not really, because being left alone only gave her tumultuous thoughts free range to run amok. So then she must want Lars and Sadie’s company after all, right? Except she didn’t; the last thing she wanted was to be patronized; all they’d do was walk on eggshells like she was a spooked deer that would bolt if someone raised their voice a single decibel. It was a lose-lose situation, so she’d been crumpled, motionless in the corner for hours, and she was beginning to feel like she was going insane.

Her body seemed to move of its own accord as she uncrossed her legs, planting her feet on the floor and leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. She shot a furtive look in Lars and Sadie’s general direction- Lars was boredly staring at the television with his left hand supporting his chin and his right gently stroking the upper arm of Sadie, who was slumped against his side, asleep. The sight was cute, but made a sour feeling accumulate in her stomach; both of them had to work in the morning and were being kept up by her problem. She shook her head and jumped to her feet- she had to get out of the room.

She strode through the sliding glass doors of the hospital and into the cold night air. She took in a big breath and surveyed her surroundings numbly. The parking lot was mainly empty and illuminated by uncomfortably bright fluorescent street lamps. She walked to the far end of the lot where a cluster of employees’ cars were parked and leaned against one to gaze into the distance. The city was beautiful at night with its twinkling lights and blue-black sky; she just wished she could appreciate it more.

The streets were far from empty, (it was Empire City after all,) but traffic was much sparser than usual. Sundays were the calmest days the bustling city ever achieved, especially in the evenings once most of the population had been consumed by their weekly existential crises about the imminent arrival of yet another week. A car hadn’t gone by in about two minutes, which was shocking compared to the average nightlife of the so-called sleepless city.

The traffic drought was then broken by the high beams of a car that shone in Lapis’ eyes as it turned into the parking lot. It pulled into the handicapped parking space closest to the door and a short figure holding a cat carrier exited, disappearing inside the building. 

It was funny, in an ironic sort of way, that everyone else was living their life normally when Lapis’ had been turned upside-down over a cat.

She sighed and shoved her hands in her pockets, kicking a piece of loose asphalt from a shallow pothole. She wished she wasn't like she was. She wasn’t a depressed kid anymore; she didn’t spend her nights bawling her eyes out in bed anymore. She didn’t break down anymore; instead she just shut down. 

There was something wrong in her head, something dark and sticky that slept behind her eyes, constantly in waiting. It weighed down her skull, made the air seem thicker, but stayed dormant until provoked, at which point it would throw a tantrum. It made Lapis feel like a petulant child, mentally repeating childish mantras. _It’s not fair! Why me? I don’t wanna!_

She didn’t understand, but at the same time she really did. Her life was exponentially better than it was when she was a kid, but when it came down to it, it still sucked. She worked a dead-end entry-level job for two dollars above minimum wage, she had no degree, she lived with two roommates in a hole-in-the-wall two bedroom apartment on the poor side of town where roads and buildings were constantly falling into disrepair, yet the rent was still hardly manageable between the three of them. Worst of all, that was all she had. There was no family to call after a hard day or travel back to on the holidays, no friends to make plans with other than the one that she lived with that was almost always equally as busy as her, no girlfriend (not _anymore_ , not that she wanted to relive the time she spent with _her_ …)

This was it. This was all she had going for her. Working paycheck to paycheck to stay alive, only getting to look forward to eating cheap junk food and watching mindless local broadcast television and sleeplessly scrolling through social media in bed with her cat curled up on her hip. So basically she had a grand total of about three things keeping her going, and one was incapacitated in the hospital. Of all the mental shutdowns she’d ever had, she could at least say that this one was the most warranted. Not that the knowledge necessarily helped her...

She found her feet carrying her back into the building where she saw Lars and Sadie standing up and watching a nurse walk away from them. Their posture seemed relaxed and Lapis felt a glimmer of hope. She strode over to them, dropping a tentative hand on Sadie’s shoulder. 

“What did they say?”

Both of them jumped, turning around startledly. “Oh, Lapis, you’re back!” Sadie blurted.

She didn’t have the care in her mind to be bothered by their spooked deer treatment this time, so she barrelled on. “Uh-huh, what did the vet say?”

Sadie and Lars exchanged a long, heavy glance. Lars suddenly lifted his hand to place his index finger on the tip of his nose.

“Not it,” he declared.

“Lars!” 

Lapis looked between the two of them, brows knotted and lips parted. “What’s going on? What did they say about Blue?”

Sadie stared pointedly at Lars. “Tell her!”

“I’m not telling her, I already opted out!”

“Putting your finger on your nose doesn’t mean anything!”

“Says who?”

“Says me, because this isn’t second grade musical chairs!”

Lapis’ eyes humorlessly wandered from the scene in front of her and by chance met with the curious, amused gaze of a short, olive-skinned woman with curly, clearly dyed blonde hair sitting on the other side of the waiting room. She briefly smiled at having caught Lapis’ attention before wordlessly motioning toward the arguing Lars and Sadie with the slightest tilt of her head. Lapis shrugged deeply, lifting her hands and raising her eyebrows dramatically in response. The stranger snickered, eyes crinkling, and Lapis felt a warm, swelling feeling in her chest, grinning back without thinking.

She suddenly remembered what she was doing and turned back to her friends. “Okay, you guys have ten seconds to tell me what’s going on with my cat in as few words as possible. Go.”

Eyes widening to the size of dinner plates, Lars and Sadie frantically exchanged a look once more. 

“He swallowed some string,” Sadie said.

Lapis frowned. “Go on…?”

“The doctors x-rayed him and…”

Lars jumped in to finish. “And he’s just gonna poop it out.”

She blinked, stunned into an uncomfortably long silence. “You guys were getting all worked up over telling me that he’s going to be okay?” Fury was beginning to quell in her throat and her fingernails proved it by stabbing into her palms. What did they think, that she was going to explode like a wild animal upon the news that everything was going to be fine?

“Well, we knew how worried you were, and we didn’t want to upset you...”

Lapis zoned out of the conversation as she abruptly remembered that the woman on the other side of the room was still there. She glanced over to find the stranger’s eyes were still firmly locked on her with an interested, almost assessing look on her face. As infuriating as being treated like a child was, she couldn’t make a scene. Not when people were watching. 

She turned back to Lars and Sadie’s shaky forms without hearing their words. The anger that had suddenly begun burning in her belly fizzled away in an instant and an almost drunk tranquil washed over her.

She interrupted their anxious blathering, abrupt and unconcerned. “Nah, you guys shouldn’t have been worried. That’s actually pretty funny.”

The couple met each others’ eyes again, this time in shock. “Funny?”

“Yeah, we were all keyed-up for nothing. I mean, that’s cats for you. Little _rascals_.”

Sadie and Lars looked around puzzledly like they were in the Twilight Zone. “Uh. So you’re okay?”

“Yeah! Why wouldn't I be? I’m just glad he’s okay.” She smiled uncharacteristically good-naturedly with calm, half-lidded eyes. “When is he going to be released?”

“They didn’t say. They gave him laxatives and said he’d be ready to go after he poops and they make sure the blockage is… in there.” 

“Cool. Hey, do either of you have cash for the vending machine?”

The sudden question made them momentarily freeze in place. Lars took out his wallet in a daze and handed her a five dollar bill. 

“Whoa, I don’t need a whole five. I’ll give you the change.”

“Keep it,” he said after a moment.

Lapis eyed them suspiciously for a bit before shrugging and heading for the vending machine in the corner. She inserted the dollar bill and got one petite bag of chips, collected the returned quarters, inserted some, and got another bag. She then pocketed the remaining coins, collected the snacks, and sat down across from Lars and Sadie, right next to the woman who had been watching her.

“Lays or Doritos?” She offered, extending both bags to the stranger.

She smirked. “Cheetos.”

Lapis smiled but tilted her head. “I didn’t buy any.”

“You have enough left for a bag. Your friend said you could keep the change and you only spent two dollars and fifty cents of your five.”

“Well, someone’s observant,” Lapis remarked lightly. “What’s in it for me if I buy you Cheetos?”

“Nothing. But I have a sneaking feeling that you will anyway.” A challenging mirth danced through the woman’s eyes, and Lapis felt goosebumps form underneath her hoodie sleeves.

“Fine, watch my things,” she said, her tongue trapped between her teeth in a grin as she dramatically placed the two bags of chips on her chair. She walked back to the vending machine, counted out four quarters, and returned with a fun size bag of Cheetos.

“Your cheese flavored snacks, m’lady,” Lapis said in a hideous butchering of a British accent accent, performing a mock curtsy. She wasn’t sure what was happening to her, usually she’d never act the way she was, but something about the strange girl made her shoulders tight with nervous energy.

The stranger took the bag. “Wow, thanks.”

Lapis sat down and opened the Lays. “So, what brings you here?”

“My cat broke his leg.”

Lapis’ brows rose. “Big ouch.” _Big ouch? What adult says that in a real life conversation?_

“It’s no big deal,” she replied, monotone, after politely chewing behind her hand. “This has happened before.”

“This has happened before?”

“Twice, actually. I assume it’ll happen again after this.”

“What on Earth does your cat _do_?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary behaviors for cats, but each time he’s broken a different limb. I assume he’s attempting a clean sweep.” A slight upward cast tugged the girl’s lips in accompaniment of the twinkle in her gaze.

Lapis chuckled through a mouthful of potato chips, earning a small, self-satisfied smile in return.

“So, what’s your cat’s name?” Lapis asked after swallowing.

“Pumpkin. I’ll give you three guesses on what colour he is,” the woman deadpanned with a straight face but the same evidently trademark sparkle in her emerald green eyes.

“Hmm. Black?” Lapis felt off, but in an almost pleasant way, as the words left her mouth. She was bantering. With a stranger. Since when did she strike up conversations with random people like a soccer mom at a PTA meeting? 

“Do you see black pumpkins often, Lapis?” 

She grinned like the Cheshire Cat both at her own joke and the shivering feeling of being addressed by name. The girl must have been listening to her previous conversation intently if she’d caught her name. “Yeah, actually. During Halloween they have craft stores full of them, haven’t you heard?”

The stranger rolled her eyes easily. “You,” she punctuated her pause by taking a bite of another Cheeto, chewing, and swallowing, “are what I believe is known as a smart ass.”

“And _you_ have poor cat-naming skills.” The taunts were sliding past her lips smoothly, like she was a regular person with a regular life and regular social skills. It felt essentially how she imagined doing crack felt.

“As if you’re one to talk, owner of a cat named Blue.”

“Hey, it’s a good name!"

"Perhaps. Unless, perchance, he's of the Russian Blue breed…?"

Lapis gaped for a moment, then pursed her lips and looked away in playful defeat.

The woman laughed loudly, eyes squinted in delight. Lapis watched her face with slightly parted lips, feeling a fiery sensation rush from her forearms to her chest to her stomach

“What’s your name?” The question was abrupt but bursting at her lips, suddenly the only thought in her mind.

Her laughter calmed. “Peridot.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Peridot.” She meant it, truly, and felt a smile split her face.

“And you as well, Lapis.” Something about her formality was endearing in a way Lapis couldn’t place but heartily enjoyed.

There was a lull in their conversation, coincidentally marked by a nurse entering with a cat carrier and calling Lapis’ last name. She stood and rushed over, taking the cage and peeking through the bars at her healthy, albeit tired-looking, feline son. 

“Thank you,” she breathed to the nurse.

“Thank him,” he replied with a chuckle. “He’s the one who did all the work. Just keep him away from any wayward balls of yarn from now on, okay?”

On any other day, Lapis would have rolled her eyes and offered a dismissive affirmation at such a pointless comment, but all she could do was grin and reply with a sincere, “Absolutely.”

She returned to Lars and Sadie, setting the cat carrier on a chair near them. “Can you keep an eye on him? And call another Uber home?”

If they were harboring any more distress towards her uncharacteristically level-headed behavior, they didn’t show it. Lars nodded tiredly and pulled out his phone while Sadie lifted the crate onto her lap and cooed quietly at Blue. 

Lapis returned to Peridot. “My boy is okay,” she announced as she fell back into her chair.

Peridot chuckled. “We knew that ten minutes ago.” 

“...Still.” Lapis didn’t know what to say now that her departure was imminent. The high of meeting the odd, fun character that was Peridot had worn off slightly as she remembered what her life was like. There was little chance she could remain in contact with her- but there was something new buzzing in her that made her feel more alive than she had in months and reminded her hopefully that slim chances hadn’t stopped her before.

“We should organize a playdate between Blue and Pumpkin," Lapis blurted, surprising herself. "I think they’d get along seeing that they’re both dumb as rocks.”

“Hey, you don’t even know Pumpkin! You may be correct… but it's still rude!"

Lapis threw her head back to laugh silently. “Is that a yes?”

“Yes. Do you want my phone number or shall I give you mine?”

Lapis was shaking. “I’ll add a contact for you right now,” she said, taking her phone from her pocket. 

“My number is 555-867-6309,” Peridot recited clearly before adding, “I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I’m aware of my number’s similarity to the Tommy Tutone song.”

“Damn, you beat me to the punchline, Jenny.” 

_Who am I?_ Lapis thought briefly until Peridot shot her a look that drew profuse snickering from her.

Sadie then interrupted them, standing with Blue's crate in her arms. “Lapis, the Uber is outside.”

“I’ll be out in a second.” She said, hardly shooting a glance over her shoulder.

She turned back to Peridot. "When is a good time for you?” 

“You can text me whenever. As for playdate arrangements, I work weekdays, so Saturdays and Sundays are often a safe bet. My shift is ten in the morning to six in the evening, so I could theoretically be available after then as well, however that _is_ a bit late to be out and about. We can arrange something over text.”

“Sounds good,” was all Lapis could choke out. “I work from two to ten most days.”

Peridot hummed out an appraising noise. “I will keep that in mind.”

She stood and looked down at Peridot. “Talk to you soon?”

“Naturally. Goodbye, Lapis.”

“Bye, Peridot.”

With that, Lapis strode from the building, joined Lars and Sadie in the cramped backseat of their driver’s car, and fell asleep on the ride home with a content smile on her face for the first time in months.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect the wait on this chapter to be nearly a month long, so I'm very sorry to those of you who were captivated by the first. (Speaking of, thank you again to everyone who left kudos and comments; they brighten my day every time.) I wish I had a good excuse, but all I've really done in this time is work, sleep, and total my dearly-loved car on the way to a pawn shop. (Don't worry, nobody was hurt and I have a nearly-indistinguishable replacement now.) Anyway, I'm sure you're all bored of Snake's Life Updates already, so on we go.

“Who’s the girl?”

Lapis jumped, slapping a hand over her left ear that had just felt wet breath. “Jesus Christ!”

With a loud laugh, a short, brown-skinned, lilac-haired woman in a bright blue Kroger apron walked out from behind Lapis and around her register. Hiking herself onto the scanner of the register across from Lapis, she continued. “You didn’t answer me.”

“You know you’re not supposed to sit on those, right?” 

Amethyst grinned shit-eatingly. “Uh-huh. Who's the girl?”

Lapis didn’t meet Amethyst’s eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Well, you’ve had your phone out every three seconds all shift when I know you know we’re not allowed to use our phones on the clock. No one here would risk Pearl’s wrath over a game of Candy Crush; so you’re obviously waiting on a text. And  _ un _ lucky for you, I know you- the only reason you would care about a text enough to risk getting chewed-out is if it’s from a girl.”

Lapis licked the outside of her teeth uncomfortably. Albeit begrudgingly, she had to admit Amethyst’s deduction skills were top-notch. “Nice dissertation. I’m impressed. But there’s no girl, sorry to disappoint.” 

Amethyst shot Lapis an  _ I-don’t-at-all-believe-you-but-do-continue  _ stare. “Who are you busy texting in the middle of your shift, then?”

“I met a g-” she caught herself about to expose her secret and stopped short, changing direction, “-a  _ person _ , at the pet hospital the other day. We both have cats so we traded numbers to get together for like, a cat playdate.”

“Mmm-hmm, and would this  _ person _ happen to be a girl?” Amethyst said, voice dripping with even more shit-eatery than before.

Lapis pursed her lips and glared into middle distance before meeting Amethyst’s eyes. “You know people are capable of platonic relationships with people of the gender they’re attracted to, right?”

“I’m aware, but you’ve been checking your phone like a dog looking for a bone, if you know what I’m saying.”

Lapis gracelessly facepalmed. “She is a  _ friend _ .”

“Sure... a friend you want to take to bonetown. It’s okay, Lapis, we've all been there-”

“I do  _ not _ want to take Peridot to  _ bonetown _ !” Lapis retorted, face reddening. “We literally just met, we’ve had one conversation and traded a total of three texts.”

Amethyst raised her hands resignedly with a self-satisfied smile on her face. “Okay, okay, fine. I trust you’re telling the truth,” she said, sliding off the register and back to her feet. “But I also know it’s only because you know you can't lie to me.”    
  
Lapis rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say, oh wise one.”   
  
Amethyst leaned on the check-writing platform of Lapis’ register, innocently picking at a piece of onion skin on the conveyor belt in a way that was positively mischievous. “So, this friend of yours...” She met Lapis’ eyes with a pointed look that made her feel as if she were naked in an auditorium full of people. “She’s cute, right?” 

Lapis felt the tips of her ears warming. “She’s. Not  _ ugly _ .”

Amethyst’s  _ you-like-Krabby-Patties-don’t-you-Squidward  _ face returned twice as bright as before and then it was Lapis’ turn to raise her palms defensively. 

“That doesn’t mean anything! Yes, she’s a very attractive individual but that doesn’t mean something's going to happen between us!” 

Catching sight of a customer approaching with a cartful of groceries, Amethyst wiped the smirk from her lips and smoothed the wrinkles from her apron. “Alright, alright, fine. I won’t say anything else about it.”   


“But,” she added with a hushed voice, “when you two  _ do  _ fuck- I told you so.” All Lapis could do was stew in silence before turning her attention to the middle-aged man unloading his items onto the belt.

“Hi, how are you today?”

* * *

It was eleven o’clock at night when Lapis’ phone finally buzzed. She was laying on her side in bed with Blue curled up against her, and nearly fumbled her phone onto his head when the text notification buzzed in her hands. Blue was awoken by the disturbance, and stretched deeply before blinking lazily at the raptly reading Lapis.

‘ _ Lapis,  _

_ This Saturday afternoon would be delightful for a “playdate” if you find yourself available. Thank you.’ _

Lapis grinned wider than she could remember grinning in about three years. She typed out a quick affirmative and turned to Blue’s sleepy face to bop him on the nose. 

“You’re going to make a new friend, buddy! Are you excited?” 

Blue yawned.

“Well, you could at least be happy for me, you know. I’m going to make a new friend too.” She scritched the underside of his chin in the way that he liked, smiling softly. “And despite what Amethyst thinks, we are  _ not _ going to fuck.”

Blue started licking his paw and rubbing it on his cheek. 

“Not that I would mind if she wanted to…” Lapis muttered, mentally conducting a haphazard calculation of how long it had been since she’d had sex. Her train of thought came to a grinding halt, though, once it reached images of and ghost touches from Jasper’s hands and lips and tongue. “But that’s not what’s happening. We’re just friends, like you and me! Best buddies.”

Blue rested his head back down on the bed and closed his eyes peacefully.   


Lapis sighed, restlessly staring at the text bubbles on her phone screen from Peridot’s typing.   


“Best buddies...”

* * *

Lapis checked the clock on her phone for the umpteenth time. Fifteen minutes left; she was shaking. She futilely attempted to smooth the wrinkles from her shirt for the sixth time since she’d put it on, huffing and checking her hair in her bedroom mirror. 

She looked good. Well, as good as she could get. Her hair was clean (and conditioned, for once,) and she was wearing an outfit consisting of clothes that had all been laundered within the month. She’d washed her face  _ and _ popped a wintergreen Tic Tac (or six) in her mouth. Basically, she was thriving. 

Well… at the very least she  _ looked _ like she was.

She slipped from her bedroom and awkwardly marched to the kitchen sink, filling a cup with tap water for her suddenly parched throat.

She sat in the armchair by the couch where Lars and Sadie were cuddled watching a movie and hid her face from their not-so-covertly surprised looks with her glass of water. 

None of them said another word for a terribly uncomfortable minute. Lars finally broke the silence with a pointed turn of his head from the tv to Lapis and a blunt, “So what’s going on?”

Lapis looked away and gulped down an unnecessarily large swallow of water in an effort to calm the dread suddenly roiling in her stomach. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing,” Sadie jumped in to say, “you just... haven’t sit with us in a while.”

Lars scoffed. “Talk about an understatement. This is the first time in months I’ve seen her out of her bedroom before four pm on a Saturday. And she never comes out here when we’re together.”

“Lars!”

Lapis’ face burned and she dove back into her water to cover it. She had nothing to say to that, nothing nice, at least, so she closed her eyes and focused on the cold of the water on her tongue.   


“Okay, but the  _ real  _ question is why you’re all dressed up.”

“I’m not dressed up, I wear this shirt all the time!” Lapis lied, glancing down at the cheerful Hawaiian shirt she had on over her favorite black tank top. She may have had to dig it from the bottom drawer of her dresser, but that was beside the point.   


“To be fair, I haven’t seen you out of your hoodie in three months-”

“Sadie! You’re supposed to be on my side!” Lapis hissed, attempting to be playful but only hearing numbness in her voice.   


Lars hopped abruptly off the couch and reached for Lapis’ face, making her heart jump and her body recoil.

“What the hell are you-”

“Just checking to see if you’ve got a fever,” he said, planting the back of his hand on her forehead.

Lapis shook her head and pushed his arm away from her as if it were a poisonous snake. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re acting weird. I haven’t seen you this alive-looking in like a year.”

Lapis rolled her jaw and looked searingly at the wall. A year ago she’d still been entrenched in Jasper’s sick, sadistic grasp. Looking happy on the outside, but spending night after night in screaming matches that would end in bruised skin and broken dishes and trying to sleep whilst wishing she were dead.  _ Alive-looking _ . That was an interesting way to put it.

She tried to temper the icy venom in her voice. “Gee, thanks, Lars.”

“Hey, I’m just-!”

“Lars,” Sadie urged quietly, leaning forward to grab his wrist and look pointed in his eyes. “Enough.”

He huffed and fell back onto the couch. “You still haven’t explained why you’re wearing a Hawaiian shirt in January.”

“What, I’m not allowed to wear clothes now?” Lapis bristled, trying to quell the dangerous heat rising in her blood.

Sudden understanding, then disturbingly Amethyst-like self-satisfaction spread across Sadie’s face. “Ohhhh…  _ that’s _ it.”

“What?” Lars and Lapis said in unison.

“I forgot, you said the girl from the vet is coming today.”

Lapis’ whole face was bright red, feeling a disgusting blend of fury, embarrassment, and vulnerability.

Lars threw his head back in a silent laugh. “Of course! Her  _ crush  _ is coming over.”

“She’s not my crush!”

“ _ Suuuuuure _ ...” While Lars was distracted with mirth, Lapis glared daggers at Sadie and mouthed ‘ _ traitor _ ’ in a way she desperately hoped conveyed how genuinely betrayed she felt. “When’s your girlfriend getting here?”

Lapis’ eyes widened and eyebrows pulled downward. “She! Is not! My girlfriend! We talked once! She’s bringing her cat over for a playdate in…” she paused to check her phone, “ten minutes. That’s the whole story.”

“ _ Right _ , and are you two going to have a “playdate” when the cats do?”

“No! Because contrary to popular belief, I don’t fuck strangers!”

“You should, it’s f-” Lars was cut off by Sadie’s elbow in his ribs, “-definitely not a good thing to do.”

Lapis’ head dropped briefly into her hands, mussing her meticulously brushed hair. “Whatever, just  _ please  _ don’t be weird when she gets here.”

“I’m not going to be weird, I’ll just discuss the symptoms of gonorrhea with her. Y’know, to see if she’s clean for you.”

“ **_Lars!_ ** ”

Before Sadie (or Lapis) could remove Lars’ head from his shoulders, there was a series of five strong knocks on the door. 

_ Shit, she’s early.  _ Lapis panicked, jumping from her chair, striding to the door, and grabbing the knob before turning around to glare daggers at Lars.

“Be. Normal.”

He began to protest until she opened the door, revealing the very same comically short blonde woman from the pet hospital carrying a bigger-than-her-own-good cat carrier.

“Hey! Come in,” Lapis said, voice quivering slightly. 

Peridot did just that, standing a few steps from the door and blinking confusedly at Lars and Sadie who were very conspicuously staring at her.

After shutting the door, Lapis turned around and shot them both a warning. “Peridot, I know you already saw them at the hospital, but these are my roommates, Lars and Sadie. Lars and Sadie, Peridot.”

“Nice to meet you, Peridot,” Sadie greeted politely.

“Hello,” Peridot said charismalessly, striding past the couch and toward the kitchenette. She placed the cat carrier on the floor and pulled her phone from her pocket, typing something furiously. 

Lars and Sadie met eyes. Lapis swallowed and walked to where Peridot was still texting, and cleared her throat. “So... how was the drive over?”

“Fine,” she said, monotone, pocketing her phone and looking back up at Lapis.

Upon seeing Lapis’ obviously uncomfortable face, she squinted apologetically, placing a hand on her face and massaging her temple. “I’m sorry, my mother has been… testing my patience today. Thank you for doing this.”

Lapis smiled. “No worries! Should we introduce the boys now?” She paused and scratched her neck nervously. “Heh, “the boys”, I sound like a mom at a soccer meet.”

Peridot’s face crinkled into a grin. “Well, my “boy” might be a bit less excitable than usual, given he still has to wear his cast.” She took a moment to kneel oddly carefully on the floor in front of the cat carrier. Unlatching and opening the door, she cooed soft words until the handsome orange and white tabby emerged halfway from the crate. Lapis pursed her lips to restrain a laugh as Peridot exasperately lifted the cat the rest of the way out and deposited him on the floor.   


She squatted alongside Peridot, eliciting a hearty purr from Pumpkin by scratching his ears. “He’s a sweetie.”

Peridot smiled warmly. “He’s my little softboy.”

Lapis held back a snort, wondering if Peridot knew the online context of the term.

Peridot stood suddenly, brushing off her pants despite the fact that they were spotlessly clean. “Okay, I should be going now seeing as my mother is expecting me at two. I’m unsure how long she expects to keep me, however I’ll text you once I leave, at which point I’ll be approximately an hour away. Thank you again for this.”

Lapis gawked up at the retreating Peridot with confused, moonlike eyes. “Oh. Um. Okay?”

“It was lovely meeting you,” she said distractedly to Lars and Sadie as she stared at her phone that was once again out of her pocket. 

Halfway out the door, she turned around and smiled softly. “Have a good afternoon, Lapis.” With that, she slipped from the apartment and closed the door silently behind herself.

Moments later, Lars broke the quiet with an unrestrained snicker.

Lapis rose to her feet dizzily with static buzzing behind her eyes. 

“Lars-” Sadie was saying, trying to control the already-done damage, but he continued.

“She thought this was going to be a date, but instead she’s Peridot’s petsitter! Oh, that’s just classic...”

Lapis abruptly felt unsteady on her feet, an icy feeling running from her chest down her forearms. She felt… stupid, used, alone… Her gaze dully fell down to where Pumpkin and Blue were sniffing one another at her feet. Lars was right; Peridot had seen her attempt at companionship as an offer to petsit. She wasn’t a friend, not even an acquaintance. While she’d thought she and Peridot had had a connection, the beginnings of a friendship, Peridot had just seen use in her. Just like everybody else.

And it was even worse now that Lapis’ recent uncharacteristic behavior had lead Lars and Sadie to drop their eggshell-walking routine in favor of point-blank jokes and jabs. It was a dramatic enough switch to give a person vertigo.

Lapis, not fully in her own head, idly felt her feet carry her to the cat food bin by the fridge, scooping out some kibble and dumping it in Blue’s bowl. She tugged her Hawaiian shirt from her shoulders, balling it up and throwing it in the trash can.

“Lapis...” Sadie said, standing and following her to her bedroom but stopping when she was met with a door closed in her face. 

“Lapis, come on-” she was interrupted by the sound of Lapis’ lock sliding into place.

“Lapis, I know you were looking forward to this… I’m sorry for pushing you, and for Lars. I didn’t mean to-”

Lapis wasn’t listening, falling into her bed and staring deadly at the chipping paint on her wall. She pulled her phone from her pocket, shoved her cast-aside headphones in her ears, and pressed shuffle on the Spotify playlist she always played when she felt like crawling into a hole and dying. 

For the first time in years she wished she had the energy to cry.

* * *

When Lapis awoke it was murky grey outside, all traces of sun missing from the sky. Her room was pitch dark and all she knew was that her head was pounding. 

She sat up, blinking as her eyes adjusted to the dark. Her earbuds were wrapped around her shoulder and she roughly tugged at them until they clattered to the floor. She patted around her bed blindly until she found her phone underneath the corner of her pillow, turning it on and squinting at the unbearable brightness of the screen. 

Once her eyes yet again adjusted, she saw a text from Peridot and the memories of the afternoon returned like a dam bursting. She ignored the sour feeling in her stomach and read the message. 

‘ _ Lapis,  _

_ I am now leaving my mother’s home. I will be back to pick up Pumpkin in approximately one hour. Thank you again.’ _

The text was timestamped six thirty-six, and the clock on her phone read seven o’clock on the dot. It wasn’t very pleasing to know she’d slept through the whole afternoon, but at least she had time to prepare herself for Peridot’s return.

She pocketed her phone and slipped from bed, undoing the lock on the door and stepping tentatively into the living room. Sadie was standing at the stove stirring a pot of something and jumped at the sound of the floor creaking beneath Lapis’ weight.

“Oh! Lapis, you’re up.”

Lapis didn’t reply and didn’t bother attempting a smile either. She walked over to the fridge, rummaging to find a can of Mountain Dew to satiate her headache. 

“What are you making?” she muttered into the refrigerator.

“Uh, spaghetti. Do you want some?"

She closed the fridge, focusing on the icy cold can in her hand and ignoring everything she else she felt. “No, that’s fine. You don’t have to-”

“Lapis. I want to, there’s plenty to go around.”

She met Sadie’s soft eyes and looked away, feeling tremendously exposed in a way she hadn’t in ten long months. “If you insist,” she managed to say.

Sadie smiled and opened the cupboard, taking out two paper plates. Lapis hovered hesitantly beside Sadie, waiting for her cue to serve herself.

“Lapis, sit down. I’ll bring you your plate.”

“Sadie-”

“Don’t fight me on this, okay?”

Lapis sidestepped away shyly, settling on the couch with guilt gnawing at her stomach. She stared absently at the television quietly playing a show she didn’t recognize until Sadie appeared with a steaming plate of pasta and a fork.

“Thanks,” she said quietly, taking the plate and placing it on her lap. Sadie joined her on the couch moments later with her own serving of spaghetti and the entire container of Parmesan cheese from the fridge. Lapis smiled softly at the almost comical amount of cheese Sadie nonchalantly began shaking onto her pasta. She kept going for twice as long as was appropriate, even after a tiny cone-shaped mountain of it had formed, and even through her haze of emotions, she cracked a smile.

“You want some cheese with your pasta there?” she said, meeting Sadie’s eyes in what she sincerely hoped was a playful manner.

Sadie looked up from her plate with an almost mischievous smile. “I knew you were going to say that.”

“Hey, you set me up on purpose!” For a moment she was reminded of how she’d felt at the pet hospital, bantering with Peridot like she was a normal person. Then she remembered how she felt earlier upon learning Peridot hadn’t given a shit about her after all, and the sourness in her chest settled back down to stay.

“I plead the fifth,” Sadie replied, holding one hand up and the other over her heart.

They both laughed lightly, Sadie moreso than Lapis, before settling back into silence. Lapis twirled a big bite of spaghetti onto her fork even though it was hotter than was probably safe to eat. As she chewed, she noticed the noodles weren’t fully cooked, a step behind perfect al dente.

_ Just the way she liked it.  _

She shot a stealthy glance Sadie, whose attention was focused on the episode of Jeopardy she’d changed the channel to. A show she knew Lapis liked. 

It felt warm, being taken into consideration. She smiled wearily at her plate, reminding herself how lucky she was to have someone like Sadie as a friend. She would be fine without Peridot, no matter how badly she wanted to believe otherwise. Probably.

They both were then startled by a loud knock on the door. Lapis and Sadie met eyes. Lapis checked her phone; it was only seven fifteen.  _ Leave it to Peridot to be fashionably early... _

She stood, leaving her food on the coffee table and answering the door.

"Hey, Peridot." Looking at her round cheeks and green eyes only made her feel worse, so instead she looked at the floor.

"Hello, Lapis. Did Pumpkin and Blue get along?" she asked as she stepped past Lapis into the apartment.

Lapis realized she didn’t know and glanced wide-eyedly at Sadie who nodded quickly. "Yeah, they really like each other!" She tried but miserably failed to restrain the flatness from her voice and cringed at the way in rang in her own ears.

If Peridot noticed, she didn’t show it, kneeling promptly on the floor and cajoling Pumpkin into his carrier. Lapis watched resignedly and bit the inside of her lip to curb the sad ache in her ribs.

Sadie, who had been surreptitiously watching Lapis' face, stood. “So, what did you have for dinner, Peridot?”

“Nothing, as of yet. My mother insists on my paying when we have lunch together and I suspect if I’d stayed at her home a moment longer she’d have roped me into another meal.”   


“Well, in that case, would you like to stay for dinner? You wont have to pay for this one.”  
  
Lapis and Peridot looked nearly identically surprised.

"Oh, I wouldn't want to encroach on your evening-" 

"No, it's fine! I made like, way too much spaghetti. It's just Lapis and I, my boyfriend won't have any because he doesn't like it."

"He doesn't like spaghetti!?" Peridot said incredulously and in time with Lapis.

"He says it tastes weird."

"Spaghetti is like the mildest food on the planet!" Lapis exclaimed, mainly to herself.

Peridot laughed softly, eyes drifting from Sadie to Lapis. "I suppose I'll help with your excess spaghetti. Pumpkin won't mind staying a bit longer, I'm sure."

Lapis grinned tiredly, though it felt as bright as the sun. As Peridot bent over to let Pumpkin back out of his cage, she stepped over to the couch and engulfed Sadie in a quick, tight hug. Releasing her, she returned to the stove to make Peridot a plate, not willing to allow her rampant thoughts to ruin what Sadie had done for her, even if she knew it wouldn’t last.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At long last once again, I must apologize for my lateness. Life has a tendency to get in the way of things. Originally I intended to make this chapter and the next all one chapter, but I decided to throw you guys a bone and give you something to read while I work on the next part. Enjoy!

Lapis checked the time for the fifth time in ten minutes, huffing out an exhausted breath when the clock read only three minutes later than it’d been the last time.

Working the night shift was usually something Lapis loved. Before Kroger, she’d worked third shift at a hole-in-the-wall restaurant called  _ Brilyante  _ up until its closing. Bussing tables and washing dishes was far from her dream job, but there was something infinitely peaceful about tooling around in the kitchen at night once the murmur of customers and bargoers calmed. 

Lapis smiled slightly despite herself, leaning on the register as she recalled the restaurant owner; a gorgeous, middle-aged Fillipino woman named Mahalia. She would stop by intermittently at night to sit and fill out business paperwork, only after midnight once the dining room was free of customers. As understaffed as they were, Lapis had been the only busser and last employee to leave at night, so on the nights Mahalia came, she would encourage her to sit at the bar with her and talk. 

Lapis still remembered the first night she’d shown up. She’d only been working there a month and had thought she was a customer who had somehow managed to stow away until her confused stuttering prompted Mahalia to jingle the keys she’d used to unlock the front door in front of her and introduce herself. 

Lapis, defensive and skeptical as she was, had protested virulently when Mahalia patted the barstool beside her after settling down with a manilla folder of worn papers. She pretended she really wanted to finish the dishes because it was a reason easier to cough up than the truth- that authority figures of any kind tended to scare the living shit out of her.

_ “You are young!”  _ she had said with a wave of her manicured hand as Lapis inched backwards slowly toward the kitchen. _ “You have a whole lifetime ahead of you to work. When you are my age you will wish you let yourself relax more!” _

Lapis had begrudgingly compromised with sitting on the stool on the other side of the bar, trying to calm the raised hairs on the back of her neck as Mahalia had begun good-naturedly blathering on about her finances, recently-ex-husband, and leaky basement.   


At first, Lapis dreaded her spontaneous visits. She liked her solitude- she was safe like that. Mahalia was so positive, and overzealously nice, too. Suspiciously so. Lapis had been sure she had some ulterior motive. But after weeks of her visits and hours of listening to her stories about her childhood in the Philippines and her daughter Perlah who was about Lapis’ age, she discovered that there really wasn’t one. She was just a lonely, big-hearted woman. Lapis hadn’t realized that she had been lonely too until the day she showed up to work to find closed signs adorning the windows and all she could think about was not getting to see Mahalia.

“Lapis!” Pearl’s abrupt bark startled her from her reverie. “Quit leaning!”   
  
She was too weary to bother trying to retaliate, so she straightened, tilting her head to rest it against the Catalina coupon printer on the shelf beside her. She sighed. Mahalia wouldn’t have treated her like this.

After twenty minutes and a total of two customers, she was desperate for a respite from the aching of her feet, so she gingerly lifted herself onto the counter beside the register’s belt.

“Lapis! No sitting on the belt, those things are expensive!” Pearl squawked from behind the service desk instantly.

At her wits end, Lapis retorted without thinking, “I’m not on the belt, I’m on the counter!”

“It’s the same difference, it sets a bad precedent! You’re an adult; I think you can stand still for another hour.”

Lapis screwed her head around to shoot a tired, dead glare in Pearl’s direction. “There are no customers. You and I are the only front end employees left. Who exactly is this setting a precedent for?”

“Wh-! I-! You…” Pearl huffed and strode out from behind the counter, disappearing up the staircase to the office. Lapis rolled her eyes; even if a member of HR was still up there, there had been nothing official in her long-gone job orientation paperwork that said anything about not sitting on counters.

With Pearl’s prying eyes absent, Lapis took her phone out and pulled up her message history with Peridot. They hadn’t spoken since a week prior when Peridot had sent a formal text thanking Lapis again for letting her stay for dinner and she’d sent back a heart emoji. (The blue one, to be specific. She didn’t want to send the wrong message.)

‘ _ My boss is trying to get me in trouble for sitting down. Plz send help.’  _ she typed out and sent.

She was startled by her phone almost immediately buzzing in her hands.

_ ‘Lapis, _

_ I am on my way.’ _ Beneath the text was a blurry photo of a man that was dressed in a poorly crafted ninja costume and holding a wooden pair of nunchucks bound together by what looked like yarn.

A grin spread across Lapis’ face despite herself.

_ ‘Where on earth did you get this picture?’ _

_ ‘Lapis, _

_ It is incredibly presumptuous of you to assume that this picture is not of myself. I expect a written apology in the mail in two to five business days.’ _

Snickering, Lapis hopped from the counter and pressed a button on the register’s receipt printer, ejecting a blank slip of paper. She grabbed the nearest pen and scrawled “sorry” on the paper in large, crude letters before taking a photo and sending it to Peridot.

_ ‘Lapis, _

_ Apology accepted. Friendship reinstated.’ _

_ ‘Oh thank goodness. I was starting to get worried.’ _ Lapis accompanied the message with a scared-looking emoji.

_ ‘Lapis, _

_ Respectfully, you are a smart-ass.’ _ Peridot responded alongside an image of a cartoon character pulling one of their eyelids down and sticking their tongue out.

_ ‘Peridot, _

_ respectfully, that’s not very respectful.’ _

_ ‘Lapis, _

_ Many thanks for proving my point.’  _ There was a heart emoji at the end of that text, (a red one, for that matter) and it made Lapis’ heart skip a beat despite quite literally everything else about their conversation. 

She typed a reply with unsteady hands. ‘ _ Are you doing anything this weekend? I could use a pick me up after this week.’ _

_ ‘Lapis, _

_ I have not made plans. What sort of “pick me up” did you have in mind?’ _

Lapis paused, staring at the floor. She genuinely had no idea what she expected to do. There weren't many options for leisure activity for carless city-goers staggering right along the poverty line. She rarely did much of anything noteworthy; she spent most weekends comatose in bed recovering from the workweek. On the occasions she did feel awake enough to leave her room, she was repeatedly faced with the fact that she had one total friend, and said friend was always working or canoodling with her boyfriend. Which was exactly why she needed to nurture her tentative new friendship- it was the first thing in a long time that made Lapis feel a little less lonely in the world.

_ ‘I don’t know, I’m down for anything. do you have any ideas?’ _

_ ‘Lapis, _

_ The cinema on 84th Street is showing the most revent Galactic Star Collision movie on Saturday to celebrate the show’s fortieth anniversary. I have been considering going- would you be interested in accompanying me?’ _

Lapis blinked. Galactic Star Collision was something that continued to elude her, so of  _ course _ Peridot, of all people, was into it.    
  
It was an abomination of sci-fi entertainment; the plot and special effects were ridiculous, the acting was terrible, and it was full of forced, chemistry-less straight romance that fans inexplicably ate up. Even the countless remake series and movies from more recent years didn’t much improve upon the template. The fact that it still had a cult following was mind-boggling to Lapis, but between watching a Galactic Star Collision movie with Peridot and a hearty bag of popcorn or laying in bed with Lars loudly watching the Bachelor in the next room, the choice was obvious.

_ ‘Sure, what time is it showing?’ _

_ ‘Lapis, _

_ There are two showings. One is at noon and the other is at 4:25.’ _

_ ‘Noon’s a bit early for me, is the 4:25 one okay with you?’ _

_ ‘Lapis, _

_ That is agreeable. Will you be buying your own ticket?’ _

_ ‘Yeah, I’ll buy it now. I’ll meet you there at 4:20?’ _

_ ‘Lapis, _

_ I assumed that I would be picking you up seeing as you don’t have a car. Isn’t 84th Street an hour walk from you?’ _

Peridot was right- 84th Street Cinema was about three miles from her apartment, but Lapis didn’t think she’d recall exactly where she lived. Another message from Peridot popped up moments after the first.

_ ‘It’s no trouble for me to drive seeing as you live fifteen minutes from me. My car has excellent gas mileage as well.’ _

Peridot had read her like a book, but Lapis didn’t have it in her to protest. She would have begrudgingly walked the three miles in the name of companionship, but if Peridot was offering...   


_ ‘Okay, when are you going to get here then?’ _

_ ‘Lapis, _

_ Four o’clock would be ideal so that we still arrive on time in the case of traffic.’ _

_ ‘Sounds good. I’ll see you then. :)’  _ The emoticon smile felt unnatural to type, and looking at her text bubble on the screen, Lapis was overwhelmed with the feeling that she was portraying to Peridot a wholly different person than who she actually was. But Peridot replied nonetheless, providing something to distract her from her nagging thoughts.

_ ‘Lapis, _

_ I look forward to it.’ _

As if on cue, the sound of Pearl’s footsteps on the stairs startled Lapis into pocketing her phone. She was grumbling under her breath as she approached the farthest register to start collecting tills, and Lapis couldn’t help the tight smirk that came over her lips.

She checked the time. It had been ten lighting-fast minutes since she last checked. 

The smirk on her face grew into a wide, shining smile.

* * *

A black hoodie overtop a band tee and jeans?  _ No, way too seventh grade. _   
  
Sweatpants and a zipped up hoodie?  _ No way, you look like a slob. _ _   
_   
Jeans and Sadie’s old Empire State University sweatshirt?  _ Absolutely not, what if Peridot asks you about it and you have to admit you dropped out? _

Lapis groaned, yanking the sweatshirt over her head and tossing it somewhere across the room. If she'd thought she'd gotten overly worried about her and Peridot's  _ last _ meeting, then this one was already a catastrophe. 

With a huff she plopped onto the end of her bed, half naked and staring intently at the floor. It didn't even matter what she wore; they were going to be sitting in a dark theatre for the bulk of their time together. But each outfit she tried on and assessed in the mirror looked wrong in some way, whether it was saggy and unkempt-looking or unflatteringly tight around her newly pudgy midsection. 

The clothes she would usually wear on a quick jaunt out only looked dark, depressing, and careless while the classier things dug out from her dresser's deepest recesses felt overly bright and disingenuous to who she actually was. The last thing she wanted was to convey herself to Peridot in a way that made her seem better than she actually was, only for her to be disappointed when she learned that the real thing was unequivocally worse. Thus, she opted for the hoodie-over-band-tee option with one of her bluer pairs of jeans to lighten it up and forced herself from her room.

Lars and Sadie both turned toward her curiously as she beelined for the door and scooped her cast-aside skate shoes from their earmarked place on the carpet.

"Where are you going?" Sadie asked, reaching for the tv remote to lower the volume of the playing movie.

After the two-man circus that had broken out over the pet-sitting incident, Lapis had decided not to share the news of her and Peridot's plans with Lars and Sadie's peanut gallery. While keeping the whole truth from Sadie always made guilt gnaw through Lapis' gut, she found it hard to be too concerned after how she'd only fueled Lars' previous mortifying performance.

Still, nervous energy flared in her throat as she replied with an “Out,” that she tried her hardest to make firm-sounding.    
  
“Out where?” Lars butted in.   
  
“Oh, you know, just a place downtown, you probably haven’t heard of it,” she said languidly to give herself time to get her shoes securely on her feet and her house key in her pocket, “it’s called Nunya.”   
  
Lars and Sadie’s rapt expressions fell away, the former rolling his eyes dramatically, and Lapis had to suppress a grin. Opening the door, she leaned forward just long enough to grab her favorite black beanie from the coffee table and flash a peace sign. Then, she was out the door and on her way down the stairs.    
  
The bitter winter cold sent a chill through Lapis as soon she stepped outside. She pulled her beanie on and over her ears and leaned against the building wall, staring out at the intermittent traffic. She wasn’t sure if she’d spent that long getting ready or if Peridot was just that early, but within thirty seconds a compact, chartreuse, two-door Chevy was pulling into the parking lot and stopping in front of her.   
  
Lapis had to give herself a moment to take in the hideously bright yet somehow endearing vehicle. If it were anyone else’s she would have made terrible fun of it, but something about it was just so uniquely  _ Peridot _ that all she could do was smile faintly as she walked around it and opened the passenger door.   
  
"Hey," she managed to say, lifting a stiff arm into a wave as she slid into the green-striped leather seat.

"Hello, Lapis," Peridot said in her perfectly-measured polite voice. "Are you ready to leave?"

Lapis met Peridot’s gaze and tried for a friendly smile but cracked under the pressure, eyeing the car radio display as she nodded. “Yep.” She felt like she should say something more, but drew a blank on what, so she buckled her seatbelt quietly with her gaze still low.

Peridot smiled softly and put the car in gear, reversing enough to pull back out onto the bustling street and blend with the sea of traffic. The car’s murmuring engine and the distant honking of other vehicles were the only sound that split the silence.   
  
Lapis swallowed thickly, glancing at Peridot from the corners of her eyes. She realized with a start that she had no idea what the protocol was for a situation like the one she was in. Was Peridot expecting her to make conversation? She felt like the answer had to be yes; that's what friends did. But what was she supposed to talk about? She had nothing going on in her life aside from their trip to the movies.   
  
But the silence inside the car was beginning to become deafening. Lapis shrunk into her seat, fisting her hands in the fabric of her hoodie and assessing Peridot’s neutral, focused expression. She didn’t know anything about her, really, yet she was sitting in her car nonetheless. And nerve-wrackingly close to her, too; she was within arm’s reach, should Peridot want to touch her.    
  
_ What on Earth was I thinking? _ Lapis suddenly thought, icy fear biting it’s way up her throat.  _ Why did I agree to this? _ Peridot held all the cards, had all the power. If she so chose, she could drive them both off a bridge, or take her back to her house to lock her in the basement. She was sitting in a car with what was basically a complete stranger, for stars’ sake! All she knew about Peridot was her cat’s name and her supposed work schedule, which could easily have both been lies.    
  
The air in the car was beginning to feel pressurized, squeezing its oppressive hands around her head and neck and shoulders, just like the water that had filled her lungs all those months ago.  _ You idiot, this gullibility is what let Jasper get to you in the first place- _ _   
_ _   
_ Lapis’ whirling mind ground to a halt then. Peridot was nothing like Jasper; she was funny and pleasant and harmless. She had an acerbic but childlike wit and a cat that acted like she hung the moon and stars in the sky just for him, (whereas every animal that had ever come within three feet of Jasper had hated her with a passion.) Nothing in her five feet and two inches of reserved, polite charm held even the slightest resemblance to Jasper. And even if she snapped someday against all odds, she was  _ five foot two _ and so scrawny that Lapis was sure she couldn’t be more than a hundred pounds; she could probably take her out with a single punch.   
  
Lapis took in a shaky breath and blew it out quietly. She had nothing to worry about.   
  
“So,” she forced herself to say, letting the word hang in the quiet for a moment as she tried to think of anything conceivably normal to say. Peridot glanced away from the road for the slightest moment to look at her. “Are you excited for the movie?”   
  
Peridot instantly brightened, a grin overtaking her face. “Of course! Galactic Star Collision: Zero Hour is easily one of the best science fiction movies of our time!”   
  
Lapis found herself chuckling softly at Peridot’s unbridled enthusiasm. “You say that like you’ve seen it already.”

“I have!”

“You have? I thought it just came out,” Lapis said, eyebrows furrowed. “Why are we going to watch it if you’ve seen it before?”

“Because, it’s a masterpiece! It came out in 2007 and is only being shown as a special event, which makes it  _ more _ appealing because chances to see it in theatres don’t often present themselves!”

Lapis scoffed at the word masterpiece being paired with anything related to Galactic Star Collision, but smiled despite herself. Something about Peridot’s unabashed, matter-of-fact fervor was more endearing than she’d care to admit.    


“Whatever you say,” she said, cordial but undeniably sarcastic.   


The rest of the ride went by in a much more amicable silence, and by the time they reached the theatre, Lapis found that her shrunken posture had relaxed into a casual slouch. She still wasn’t quite comfortable, but it did seem less like an imminent threat was right around the corner. As she and Peridot got out of the car and ambled inside, she realized that she almost felt optimistic.

Almost.

She followed Peridot up to the ticketing counter, lurking behind her as she gleefully proclaimed the tickets she wanted to purchase. The dead-inside-looking cashier rang the order up, bluntly read the total, and both Peridot and Lapis pulled their wallets out.    
  
Lapis blinked at Peridot. “Um.”

“I suggested we come here thus I should pay,” Peridot said quickly, pushing her debit card into the cashier’s hands.   


“Uh, you have to use the pinpad...” he mumbled, sliding the card back across the counter.

Lapis watched tiredly. It was odd being paid for. It didn’t feel right for Peridot to have to foot the bill; Lapis was supposed to pull her own weight. She didn’t need charity and she didn’t need to be in debt to anyone. She closed her eyes, inhaled shortly and huffed through her nose. Whatever.   
  
They got their tickets and walked into the concession area where their ticket stubs were torn off by another employee with dark circles beneath their eyes. Lapis shoved her hands in her pockets and watched Peridot expectantly for a moment, unsure where to go.   
  
“Why are you staring at me?” Peridot asked plainly once she lifted her gaze from her gleeful examination of her ticket.   
  
Lapis squirmed. “I just- I wanted to see if you were going to get popcorn or anything.” She broke eye contact, face hot.   
  
“Well why didn’t you just say so! Popcorn is an integral piece of the movie theatre experience, thus we must indulge.” In tandem with her words, Peridot reached out and decisively grabbed Lapis’ forearm, turning toward the concession counter.    
  
Adrenaline instantly spiked through Lapis’s chest, and she was stricken with phantom images of Jasper’s hulking fists wrapping around her wrists, tugging her back to her when she tried to run away. Her cruel, callous voice scoffing, “I’m not done with you yet...”  _ Get away, get away, get away!  _ Lapis felt like she was on fire, trying to locate the nearest escape route.   
  
“ _ Don’t touch me! _ ” she shouted, wrenching her arm from Peridot’s grasp.

Peridot froze in place where she’d been jerked back around, mouth open and hand still extended forward. “I-”

Lapis’ furrowed brows and tight posture loosened as she saw the confusion in Peridot’s eyes. She’d just been trying to be friendly and Lapis had freaked out over nothing.  _ Like an idiot. _ She let her tense arms fall to her sides from where she’d unconsciously drawn them in front of her chest and looked guilitly at the floor. 

Peridot let her hand fall away as well, looking puzzledly at Lapis’ crumpled form.   
  
Lapis wanted to throw up. She was such an idiot. She’d been so desperate for Peridot’s friendship and the first time they actually went out she’d ruined everything. She wanted to go home, cry, and never have to look Peridot in the eye again. Who was she kidding, there was no way she’d even  _ want  _ to see her again after a stunt like this, embarrassing her in the middle of the theatre. The thought made her wrap her arms morosely around herself, tugging hard on the cloth of her hoodie sleeves. She was going to have to just leave and walk home; there was only so long she could bear to stand in silence with the girl she’d just humiliated herself in front of.

Right as Lapis was about to turn tail and start walking, Peridot spoke.

“Lapis,” she said gently but with intent. She waited until Lapis timidly met her eyes. “Are you okay?”

Of all the things Lapis had imagined Peridot would have to say to her, that wasn’t on the list. She blinked, face reddening again. “Uh. Yeah. Thanks.”

Peridot straightened as if steeling herself. “So! To popcorn?” She waved her arms from Lapis’ direction towards the concession stand as if she were a knight directing the path of their queen.   
  
Lapis didn’t know what to say. Peridot was just going to ignore what she’d done? She wasn’t sure if that was better or worse than what she’d expected, but if that was what was happening she wasn’t going to fight it.

“Actually, I’m not all that hungry,” she muttered, looking everywhere but Peridot’s face. “Unless there’s something you want.”

Peridot straightened, “No, that’s fine. We’ll have another chance during the intermission. Come on, theatre nine is this way.”

Relief flooded Lapis’ taut muscles as she followed Peridot down the softly lit hall. Things were fine, Peridot didn’t hate her, and they were still going to watch her stupid sci-fi flick together. It was going to be fine.

Peridot’s words hit Laps as they reached the double doors leading to theatre nine. “Wait, there’s an intermission?”   
  
“Of course!” Peridot chirped back as she opened the door for Lapis. “The movie is two-hundred ten minutes long.

“It’s  _ what!? _ ”


End file.
